Pat Lykos' Accomplishments

For those of you who may have missed it, apparently Pat Lykos took time out of her busy schedule to have her staff write up a memorandum on all of her "accomplishments" she was able to achieve during her first year. Now, never mind the fact that it took her and the Gang Who Couldn't Shoot Straight until freaking September to come up with what they had done so great in 2009, I think it is kind of cute that she did that.

I was especially moved by Lykos' latest sound byte:

"Justice is the highest good and injustice is the worst of the bad," Lykos said.

Lykos then followed that statement by thanking Hannah Chow for being her "bestest friend".

After reading over the review of herself (in which she gives herself very high marks for awesomeness), I realized that old Snooks sold herself short. So, I thought I would help her out with the following Top Ten list:

TOP 10 ACCOMPLISHMENTS LYKOS FAILED

TO RECOGNIZE HERSELF FOR

10. Lost no arguments over the validity of the sodomy law in front of the Supreme Court.

9. Making the office feel safer by having Leitner wear his badge on his belt and introducing him to people as "Festus, my chief deputy."

8. Has successfully boosted morale despite a hiring freeze by the handing out of creative titles in lieu of actual promotions (according to Rear Admiral Roger Bridgwater).

7. Totally kicked Chow's ass in the "upper echelon putt-putt match".

6. Created her own weight-loss video: Chain Smoking to the Oldies.

5. Made Special Crimes truly special by having Bureau Chief Joni Vollman give a hug to all visitors.

4. Instituted the punitive method of "double secret probation" to punish erring prosecutors that was so secret that not even the erring prosecutor would know whether or not he or she was on probation.

3. Successfully invented CrimeStoppers in March.

2. Drastically increased fairness to defendants by encouraging experienced prosecutors to quit.

1. On October 3rd, 2009, she received no letters of resignation.