The Lykos/Durfee Editorial

Pat Lykos is back in the news today with a hard-hitting, gripping and surely controversial Editorial this moring announcing that the D.A.'s Office is going to prosecute Failure to Stop and Render Aid cases.

I envisioned the scene leading up to the writing of the article in this short, one act play:

Interior: Pat Lykos’ Office. Jim Leitner is bring Lykos her morning coffee as Lykos is frowning, reading the newspaper.

PAT: Jim, I’m not happy.

JIM: I’m sorry, your Lordship. How have I failed you this time?

PAT: It’s not you, this time, you Dolt. It’s the newspapers. We haven’t done anything noteworthy in months. Hell, even that imbecile Newman hasn’t written a post on me since February.

JIM: Well, he has been busy with the elections . . .

PAT: Silence! What we need is to get back in the Public Relations game. We should make a hard-line stand on an issue that is guaranteed to generate some positive press.

JIM: We could outline a policy on how our office can assist in reducing jail over-crowding by a thorough review of the bond schedule and a critical evaluation of those people we should consider for PR bonds.

PAT: Shut up, Fool. You’re confusing me. More importantly, you’ll confuse the Public. We need something more simple. I know! I’m going to issue a statement saying I will now vigorously prosecute the unlawful taking of another’s life! Genius!

JIM: Um, we already do that, your Worship.

PAT: What?!

JIM: It’s called murder prosecutions.

PAT: Shit. What about the unlawful taking of another’s property?

JIM: That would be a theft.

PAT: Crapola. Hmm. I saw in the newspaper the other day that there have been a lot of automobile accidents where the other person drove away without helping. The public is apparently outraged.

JIM: Yes, that is a serious crime in Harris County.

PAT: My understanding is that most people don’t realize that is actually a crime.

JIM: Uh, well, actually, I’m pretty sure that most people are aware of the crime of Failure to Stop and Render Aid . . .

PAT: Silence!!

JIM: Yes, your Holiness.

PAT: I want to write an Editorial for the Chronicle, Jimbo.

JIM: You want to write it yourself?

PAT: Are you trying to be humorous, Jim? I will stab you with this pencil.

JIM: No, your Honor.

PAT: Send me Durfee. He is good with words and people seem to like him.

Enter Scott Durfee

SCOTT: You wanted to see me, Judge?

PAT: Yes, my Pretty. We are going to propose new legislation making it a crime to leave the scene of an accident.

SCOTT: You mean, Failure to Stop and Render Aid? That’s already - -

PAT: Silence!! Nothing is a law until I have told the general public that it’s a law.

SCOTT: Um, okay.

PAT: Write a letter on your electronic typing machine.

SCOTT: My computer?

PAT: Yes, that thing. Let the citizens of Harris County know that, I, their beloved and elected District Attorney will no longer allow people to leave the scene of accidents. It’s a bold, new initiative that we are taking here.

SCOTT: What initiative? Prosecuting FSRA cases?

PAT: Silence! Write the article and then bring it to me to sign.

SCOTT: Yes, Judge.

PAT: Make me look good, Durfee. It's what I pay you to do. Make the people love me.

SCOTT: I'll, uh, do what I can, Judge.

THE END